“Move your frame of reference inside and stop looking for external validation. Compete only with yourself using your own standards, not others' standards. Make decisions that are right for your life without worrying about how others perceive them.”
About Approval Seeking
Approval seeking is a fundamental misconception that manifests both physically and psychologically, where people lean forward desperately trying to get validation from others rather than deserving what they want. This pattern extends from dating interactions to work environments, where most people have learned to do work for approval rather than create massive value, representing the lowest level of value creation.
Real-world examples include observing insecure men on dates who make excuses and change their posture based on reactions, contrasted with Scott McKay who transformed his dating life by spending four years becoming the kind of man who deserves quality relationships.
Misconception
“Work hard to get approval and validation from others”
Focus on deserving what you want by creating massive value and using 'approval keeping' body language
Relevant Clips30
- Teaching
Moving Your Frame of Reference Inside: Self-Validation Over Approval
Move your frame of reference inside and stop looking for external validation. Compete only with yourself using your own standards, not others' standards. Make decisions that are right for your life without worrying about how others perceive them.
- Teaching
Treat Failure as a Lesson, Not a Label
Don't attach meaning to failure or see yourself as a failure when something doesn't work out. Instead, view it as a lesson in how not to do something. Analyze logically and you'll see the lesson learned is more valuable than the cost paid.
- Teaching
How Random Titles Rob Employees of Self-Worth
Random titles can rob employees of self-esteem, self-worth, growth, and motivation by putting them in a symbolic cage. Titles make people dependent on external validation rather than developing real capabilities and value creation skills.
- Teaching
Why Customers Share Business Stories With Their Friends
Customers share business stories to seek attention, approval, and validation from friends. They want to appear intelligent and cool by sharing interesting experiences, expecting friends to respond with their own impressive stories.
- Teaching▶ 9:17
Deserve What You Want by Becoming That Man
The core principle of dating success is learning to 'deserve what you want' - taking active steps to become the kind of man who attracts the quality of woman he desires
- Teaching▶ 82:57
Approval-Keeping Body Language Signals Quiet Confidence
Use 'approval keeping' body language instead of approval giving or seeking - crossed arms, steady gaze, not changing posture based on others' reactions
- Teaching▶ 32:28
The Four Criteria That Make Prospects Pre-Sold Before You Pitch
Women want to feel protected primarily from the man they're with, not from outside threats - creating safety and comfort in your presence is crucial
- Teaching▶ 30:43
Independence in Body Language: Moving on Your Own Terms
Independence in body language means not following others' movements, pausing before going along, and doing your own thing consistently
- Teaching▶ 4:25
Customers Tell Referral Stories Seeking Attention and Validation
Customers tell referral stories to seek attention, approval, and validation - they want to appear intelligent and cool to friends
- Teaching▶ 71:30
The High-Status Greeting That Signals Confidence, Not Need
The greeting 'Hey what up' with head back and raised eyebrows communicates high status and familiarity without seeking approval
- Teaching▶ 5:35
Most People Create Value at the Lowest Level — For Approval
Most people have learned to do work for approval rather than create massive value, which is the lowest level of value creation
- Teaching
Accept Reality as the Foundation of All Progress
Accept reality as it is instead of wishing things were different - confronting reality is the foundation of all progress
Show 18 more
- Teaching
Playing Not to Lose Keeps You Stuck in Scarcity
Most people play 'not to lose' rather than playing to win, which keeps them stuck in scarcity and risk-averse behavior
- Teaching
External Rewards Destroy the Intrinsic Motivation That Existed Before
External rewards can destroy intrinsic motivation, making people lose interest in activities they previously enjoyed
- Teaching
Emotional Control as a Leadership Diagnostic Signal
Maintain composure and control your emotions - if you lose emotional control, that reveals what you need to work on
- Teaching
No Failure, Only Lessons: Eliminating the Failure Frame
Eliminate failure by reframing it as learning - there is no failure, only lessons in how not to do something
- Teaching▶ 76:48
Lean Back as a Physical and Psychological Principle
Lean back physically and psychologically - don't lean forward seeking approval like insecure men do on dates
- Teaching
Get Selfish First So You Can Become Truly Generous
Become selfish first so you can become truly generous - make yourself a priority to achieve your goals
- Teaching
Radical Honesty: Call People Out When They're Wrong
Become unbelievably honest and authentic - be direct and call people out when they do something wrong
- Teaching
Myers-Briggs Sensors vs Intuitives: Present vs Future Focus
Move your frame of reference inside - stop seeking external validation and compete only with yourself
- Teaching
Two Habits That Can Double Productivity in 90 Days
People seek validation instead of truth, which blinds them to where they're wrong and prevents growth
- Teaching▶ 7:32
Telling Someone No Makes Their Respect Go Up
When you tell someone you don't want to work with them, their respect for you goes up, not down
- Teaching▶ 5:43
Full Composure at All Times: No Low-Status Signals Allowed
Maintain 100% composure at all times - don't let low status signals slip out
- Answer▶ 6:06
Six Sermons — Toward and Away Across Three Drives
The six sermons address toward and away from motivations for achievement, affiliation, and power. Tell people they'll get more achievements, love/approval, and power/control if they follow your advice, and they'll experience failure, rejection, and loss of power if they don't.
- Answer▶ 71:41
Head Back, Eyebrows Up: High-Status Greeting Mechanics
Use 'Hey what up' with your head back slightly and eyebrows raised. This communicates high status and familiarity without seeking approval or acting like you want something from them.
- Answer▶ 61:25
What It Means to Be a Sexual Threat in Attraction
Sexual threat means being perceived as a sexually powerful, confident man. This creates both attraction and tension because women unconsciously recognize the potential investment risk of being with someone sexually powerful.
- Quotable
Compete Only With Yourself Not External Standards
You don't have to get external validation for anything. You are in competition with yourself and have to keep things to your own standards – not the standards of others.
- Quotable▶ 17:17
Social Approval as a Sales Principle in Dating
once you get to women you tend to get 50 women by on the approval of others is just like a sales principle
- Quotable▶ 68:52
The Sexual Threat Mindset as Inner Game Foundation
I am a sexual threat I am a dangerous man for a woman to be alone with I am all man and I want you
- Quotable▶ 76:51
Don't Lean Psychologically: The DeAngelo Principle
don't lean psychologically David DeAngelo says don't lean physically Fat Joe says lean back