Eben Pagan teaches the strategic art of networking through 'triadding' - connecting people in three-person relationships to build powerful social networks. He explains how creating six stable triads transforms your community and leverages social psychology to accelerate entrepreneurial success.
Networking With Influential People
Eben establishes that connecting people is a fundamental leadership function that increases influence and ability to get things done. While you don't get paid directly for connecting people, it generates continuous flows of new information, insights, and opportunities that compound over time.
Drawing on research from Dave Logan's 'Tribal Leadership,' Eben explains how three-person relationships are much stronger than two-person connections. The third person takes responsibility for the relationship and helps mediate conflicts, creating more stable and powerful networks.
Eben reveals how your closest social circle of 5-6 people powerfully influences your thoughts, behavior, and outcomes. He explains that you become the average of those closest to you, making strategic network building more important than knowledge acquisition for entrepreneurial success.
The episode concludes with practical guidance on building a mastermind of successful entrepreneurs who are ahead of where you want to be. This strategic approach provides more leverage for business success than traditional training or education methods.
“triadding is when you connect two people together and you are kind of the third leg of the stool that holds it up”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:36
Triadding is connecting two people together with yourself as the third person in the relationship. This creates much stronger, more stable relationships than two-person connections because the third person takes responsibility for maintaining the relationship and smoothing over conflicts.
“when you get six stable triads in your life, okay. So when you create six triads, you introduce two people to each other and you're the third in that relationship and you get six of those, something magic happens”
— Eben Pagan▶ 3:47
You need six stable triads to create a powerful network. According to research, when you create six triads where you've introduced two people to each other and maintain the third position in those relationships, something magical happens and your community starts growing exponentially.
“connect them on something that they have in common Something that unusual something that weird”
— Eben Pagan▶ 2:08
Connect people on something unusual or weird they have in common, not obvious connections. Look for shared interests, hobbies, or experiences that are specific and unique to create stronger bonds between the people you're introducing.
“if you take the five people that are closest to you in your life and you average out their health level kind of their level of self-consciousness, their income, their self-esteem, you'll find that you're about the average of those five people closest to you”
— Eben Pagan▶ 7:10
You become approximately the average of the five people closest to you in terms of health, income, self-esteem, and consciousness. Your social group has more influence on your thoughts, behavior, and success than individual psychology or personality differences.
“if you invest the next six to 12 months building a tight social group of five to 10 really successful entrepreneurs and you connect them to each other, okay, you, you, you create triads with them and you get a little mastermind together of the group. you'll find that that will pull you towards success as an entrepreneur more than any amount of knowledge or any amount of training”
— Eben Pagan▶ 7:26
Build a tight social group of 5-10 successful entrepreneurs who are a few years ahead of where you want to be. Connect them to each other through triads and create a mastermind group. This provides more leverage for success than knowledge, training, or other development methods.
“It's because the third person is the one that takes responsibility for the relationship of the other two. And there's always someone around to help with apparent conflicts, to help smooth things over and so forth”
— Eben Pagan▶ 3:14
Three-person relationships are stronger because the third person takes responsibility for the relationship between the other two and helps smooth over conflicts. Without a third person to mediate, two-person relationships are susceptible to hurt feelings and misunderstandings that can break the connection.
Create strong three-person relationships that accelerate business success
Identify Connection Opportunities
Look for people in your network who share unusual or specific interests, hobbies, or experiences - not obvious connections
Make Strategic Introductions
Connect two people via email, explaining their shared uncommon interest and suggesting they exchange information
Position Yourself as the Third
Maintain your role as the third person in the relationship, taking responsibility for helping smooth over any conflicts
Build Six Stable Triads
Repeat this process until you have six stable three-person relationships with yourself as the connecting hub
Choose Successful People
Ensure each person you connect is a few years ahead of where you want to be in areas you want to develop
Create a Mastermind
Bring your network together as a group to maximize the community effect and accelerate your own success
Leaders function as connectors who build social networks to increase their influence and ability to get things done
Connecting people generates continual flow of new information, models, insights, and methods - though you don't get paid directly for it, like creativity
Triadding - connecting two people with yourself as the third leg - creates much stronger relationships than two-person connections
Research by Dave Logan, co-author of New York Times bestseller Tribal Leadership, shows two-person relationships are weak while three-person relationships are very strong
Connect people on something unusual or weird they have in common, not obvious connections
Example: Connected three friends who each had published books by major publishing companies, emailing all three to connect over their shared publishing experience
The third person in a triad takes responsibility for the relationship between the other two and helps smooth over conflicts
Human relationships are susceptible to insults and hurt feelings - without a third person to say 'they didn't mean it' or help patch things up, networks become weak
Creating six stable triads triggers magic - your community starts growing and becoming very powerful
Dave Logan's discovery that six triads create exponential community growth, making the leader the central hub of the network
Your social group of 5-10 closest people is the most powerful influence on your thoughts, behavior, emotions, and psychology
Social psychologists have determined that social group influence is so powerful compared to individual psychology that it's worth focusing entirely on social psychology over individual differences
Your personality is a patchwork quilt of pieces from others' lives that you've unconsciously adopted
Observable when friends or family spend time with others and return talking differently, making different facial expressions like the other person
You are approximately the average of the five people closest to you in health, income, self-esteem, and consciousness
Social psychology research cited by Dr. Robert Cialdini in his book 'Influence' demonstrates measurable averaging effects across multiple life dimensions
Building a social group of successful entrepreneurs provides more leverage than knowledge, training, or other development methods
Investing 6-12 months building a tight social group of 5-10 successful entrepreneurs and creating triads with them pulls you toward success more than any amount of training
Choose social group members who are a few years ahead of where you want to be to get a 'free ride' to success
Make sure each person has succeeded where you want to succeed and is past where you are in areas you want to develop - this creates automatic pull toward success
Leaders function as connectors who build social networks to increase their influence and ability to get things done
▶ 0:30Triadding - connecting two people with yourself as the third leg - creates much stronger relationships than two-person connections
▶ 1:36Connect people on something unusual or weird they have in common, not obvious connections
▶ 2:08The third person in a triad takes responsibility for the relationship between the other two and helps smooth over conflicts
▶ 3:14Creating six stable triads triggers magic - your community starts growing and becoming very powerful
▶ 3:47Your social group of 5-10 closest people is the most powerful influence on your thoughts, behavior, emotions, and psychology
▶ 4:48Your personality is a patchwork quilt of pieces from others' lives that you've unconsciously adopted
▶ 5:30You are approximately the average of the five people closest to you in health, income, self-esteem, and consciousness
▶ 7:10Building a social group of successful entrepreneurs provides more leverage than knowledge, training, or other development methods
▶ 7:26Choose social group members who are a few years ahead of where you want to be to get a 'free ride' to success
▶ 8:22Claim: “Individual psychology and personality differences are the primary drivers of success”
Reframe: Social group influence is so powerful it overshadows individual psychology - focus on social psychology instead
Claim: “You create your own personality and character independently”
Reframe: Your personality is unconsciously assembled from pieces of others' lives in your social circle
Claim: “Knowledge and training are the highest leverage activities for business success”
Reframe: Building a strategic social network of successful people provides more leverage than any amount of knowledge or training
“Another important function of the leader, as far as I'm concerned, is connecting people.”
“when you get six stable triads in your life, something magic happens and your community starts to grow and become very, very powerful”
“if you take the five people that are closest to you in your life and you average them out, you'll find that you're about the average of those five people closest to you”
“you'll find that that will pull you towards success as an entrepreneur more than any amount of knowledge or any amount of training”
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Coaching Strategies
Business Frameworks
Your emotions control your mind and use it to get their needs met, not the other way around
Eben Pagan shifted from thinking his logical mind controlled his emotions to realizing 'maybe it's more like my body and my emotions are in control of my mind, and they're using my mind to get their needs met'
We constantly engage in three forms of self-deception: deletion, distortion, and generalization
Referenced from neurolinguistic programming (NLP), where we delete huge patches of memory and perception, distort what we see, and oversimplify information by lumping it together
The path to business success is typically counterintuitive - what seems like it will work probably won't, and what will work wouldn't be guessed in a million years
Eben Pagan calls this 'the critical counterintuitive' after studying success for over 15 years and observing that obvious paths rarely lead to business success
Tens of billions of dollars are spent annually on consumer research by corporations because making mistakes with big bets is expensive - small businesses can't afford mistakes even more
Large multinational companies spend tens of billions yearly on focus groups and consumer research, and if big businesses can't afford mistakes, small businesses especially cannot
