How To REALLY Connect with Others When Teaching
Eben Pagan reveals why most teachers fail to truly connect with their audience and shares the specific technique to create genuine rapport during live instruction. He explains the critical difference between 'telling' and 'teaching' and how using direct language transforms the learning experience.
Teachings 3
Most live teachers make the mistake of switching to third person and speaking 'at' their audience rather than 'to' them, becoming 'tellers' instead of teachers
Eben's father distinguished between 'teachers' and 'tellers' in college and university settings, noting that most educators just tell information rather than truly teach
The way to truly connect when teaching live is to use 'you' and 'your' as the words you say most often, speaking directly to each individual
Even when looking at a screen with 50 people, each student is alone, so direct address creates connection while collective language ('all of you people') creates an instant break in rapport
Students experience an unconscious disconnect when teachers use collective language because each learner is actually alone, not part of a visible group
When a teacher says 'hello all of you people out there' to someone learning alone, it doesn't consciously register but creates a subconscious sense that this is someone talking 'at the world' rather than to them personally
Quotable Moments 3
“they call them teachers but they should call them instead of teachers they should call them tellers she's not really teaching they're telling”
— Eben Pagan“when you start teaching make sure that these two words are ideally the words you say the most often you and your”
— Eben Pagan“they are alone they're alone and so when you're talking to someone who's alone and you go hello all of you people out there they go wait a minute it's like an instant break and Rapport”
— Eben Pagan
How to Connect with Students When Teaching Live
A technique to create genuine rapport and connection when teaching online or to virtual audiences
- 1
Identify your individual student
Remember that even when teaching multiple people online, each student is actually alone and needs individual attention
- 2
Use direct personal language
Make 'you' and 'your' the words you say most often instead of collective terms like 'everyone' or 'all of you'
- 3
Avoid formal group address
Skip formal openings like 'Greetings ladies and gentlemen' and speak as if talking directly to one person
- 4
Guide rather than tell
Focus on guiding students through processes rather than just delivering information to the group
Questions Answered
How do you connect with students when teaching live online
“when you start teaching make sure that these two words are ideally the words you say the most often you and your”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:00
Use 'you' and 'your' as your most frequent words instead of speaking to the group collectively. Each student is alone, so direct address creates connection while group language breaks rapport.
What's the difference between telling and teaching
“my father used to say in uh you know in college and university he said they call them teachers but they should call them instead of teachers they should call them tellers she's not really teaching they're telling”
— Eben Pagan
Teachers guide students through processes using direct, personal language, while tellers just deliver information to groups using formal, collective language.
Why does group language break rapport with online students
“they are alone they're alone and so when you're talking to someone who's alone and you go hello all of you people out there they go wait a minute it's like an instant break and Rapport”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:30
Because each student is actually alone when learning online, so collective references feel disconnected while direct address feels personal and engaging.
How to avoid sounding formal when teaching online
“the telling version is when you kind of show up and you say Greetings ladies and gentlemen esteemed members of the audience it's like very broad you know hello group hello Collective”
— Eben Pagan▶ 0:30
Avoid third-person collective language like 'greetings ladies and gentlemen' and instead speak directly using 'you' and 'your' to create personal connection.
What words should teachers use most when teaching live
“when you start teaching make sure that these two words are ideally the words you say the most often you and your”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:00
'You' and 'your' should be the words you say most often to create direct, personal connection with each student.
Summary
The Telling Trap Most Teachers Fall Into
Eben reveals how most live instructors unconsciously switch to formal, third-person language that creates distance rather than connection. His father's insight about 'tellers' versus 'teachers' exposes why traditional educational approaches fail to engage students effectively.
The Two Words That Transform Your Teaching
The secret to genuine connection lies in using 'you' and 'your' as your most frequent words. Even when teaching 50 people on screen, each student experiences the learning alone, making direct address essential for maintaining rapport and engagement.
Why Group Language Breaks Rapport Instantly
Collective references like 'all of you people out there' create an unconscious disconnect because students are physically alone during online learning. This mismatch between language and reality makes students feel like the teacher is talking 'at the world' rather than to them personally.
Counterpoint
Claim: “Good teaching means speaking professionally to groups using formal, collective language like 'Greetings ladies and gentlemen, esteemed members of the audience'”
Reframe: Effective teaching means speaking directly to each individual using 'you' and 'your' as your most frequent words, even when addressing multiple people
Each student is actually alone when learning, so collective language creates an instant break in rapport while direct address maintains connection
Claim: “Teachers should deliver information to their audience”
Reframe: True teachers guide individuals through processes rather than just telling information to groups
Eben's father noted that most educators should be called 'tellers' not 'teachers' because they just deliver information rather than truly teach
Key Points 3
Most live teachers make the mistake of switching to third person and speaking 'at' their audience rather than 'to' them, becoming 'tellers' instead of teachers
The way to truly connect when teaching live is to use 'you' and 'your' as the words you say most often, speaking directly to each individual
▶ 1:00Students experience an unconscious disconnect when teachers use collective language because each learner is actually alone, not part of a visible group
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Topics
Coaching Strategies
Common Mistakes