When problems start escalating to conflicts, immediately stop and reframe by explicitly naming the dynamic and redirecting to collaborative problem-solving
Eben recommends saying 'hey wait a minute this is a problem that we're having but let's not let this turn into a conflict, let's just talk it through' as soon as escalation begins. There is a critical difference between problems (solvable collaboratively) and conflicts (adversarial)—conflict-oriented people automatically turn every problem into a conflict.
Relevant Clips3
- Teaching6:30
Stop Everyone and Name the Escalation Before It Becomes a Conflict
As soon as you see escalation starting, stop everyone and explicitly name what's happening. Say 'this is a problem we're having but let's not let this turn into a conflict, let's just talk it through.'
- Teaching
Stop Escalation Immediately and Reframe to Collaborative Problem Solving
When problems start escalating to conflicts, immediately stop and reframe by explicitly naming the dynamic and redirecting to collaborative problem-solving
- Teaching
The Critical Difference Between a Problem and a Conflict
There is a critical difference between problems and conflicts - problems can be solved collaboratively while conflicts create adversarial dynamics