Eben Pagan teaches entrepreneurs how to systematically plan and script their customer relationships using the psychology of friendship. He breaks down how to create a 30-day customer experience that builds trust and drives sales through strategic giving and authentic connection.
Planning Your Prospects Experience
Eben explains how real friendships develop through finding common ground, vulnerable disclosure, and reciprocal value exchange. He teaches entrepreneurs to apply these same psychological principles to customer relationships, creating deeper trust and connection than traditional business approaches.
The core strategy involves providing three units of value before making any request. This might include offering valuable content for email opt-in, sending helpful follow-up materials, providing additional value, then making a purchase request. This approach works because customers always feel they're receiving more than they give.
Eben teaches a systematic approach to planning every customer touchpoint over 30-day timelines that can expand to full years. The key is anticipating customer questions and emotional states so they feel understood and valued throughout their journey.
“Script out and almost storyboard the way that they do in the movies. Storyboard the entire experience. What's their first contact with you going to be?”
— Eben Pagan▶ 11:10
Start by scripting a 30-day timeline using the 'give, give, give, get' formula. Map out every touchpoint from their first contact through purchase, ensuring they always receive more value than they provide. Think like you're building a friendship - find common ground, share vulnerable stories, and anticipate their questions.
“The formula is give, give, give, get. Give, give, give, get. Give, give, give, get.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 4:49
Give valuable content three times before asking for anything in return. For example: offer valuable content for an email opt-in, send helpful newsletters or videos, provide more value, then ask them to buy something. This builds trust and makes customers feel they're always receiving more than they give.
“By sharing that, by sharing a vulnerable part of who you are, it will help others feel more comfortable with you.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 3:51
Connect on something substantial like shared challenges, problems, or interests. Research shows people who listen to the same music are more similar than any other factor. Share vulnerable parts of your story including failures or embarrassing moments to build authentic trust and make prospects feel you're sharing your real self, not just a persona.
“I imagine walking up to the front door of a prospective customer, knocking on the door, having them answer, and then being able to interact with them however I wanted.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 8:57
Use a thought experiment: imagine walking up to their front door and having multiple conversations over time. Notice how their questions evolve as they become more educated. Then build one-way systems (websites, emails, videos) that anticipate these questions so customers think 'this is exactly what I was wondering about.'
“Take what I've taught you right here, kind of the formula for creating a friendship. Start with thirty days.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 14:34
Start with a 30-day timeline before they buy, then expand to 90 days (45 before, 45 after purchase), then 6 months, then a full year. Since it costs 5 times more to get new customers than sell to existing ones, you can invest heavily in longer relationship timelines.
A systematic approach to planning customer interactions using friendship psychology
Get into customer mindset
Close your eyes and imagine exactly what it's like to be your prospective customer, including their emotional state and challenges
Create 30-day timeline
Map out their entire experience from first contact through purchase over 30 days
Plan first contact
Determine how they'll first encounter you - advertisement, blog post, webinar, etc.
Design free value exchange
Create valuable content to give in exchange for their opt-in or registration
Script follow-up sequence
Plan emails, videos, and content that builds relationship using give, give, give, get formula
Test with real people
Put individual prospects through the experience and get feedback
Expand timeline
Once 30-day sequence works, expand to 90 days, 6 months, then a full year
Use the 'give, give, give, get' formula to build customer relationships where the prospect always receives more value than they provide
Eben demonstrates this with a specific website sequence: offer valuable content for opt-in, send newsletters/podcasts/videos as follow-up, then ask for a purchase, then give more value before the next sales request
Connect with prospects on something substantial, particularly shared challenges or problems, as this creates emotional relaxation and trust
Research shows people who listen to the same type of music are more similar than any other demographic factor, and substantial connections make people feel 'this person is alright, they're one of us'
Share vulnerable parts of your story including failures or embarrassing moments to build deeper trust and authentic connection
Examples include sharing spectacular failures, bankruptcy, partner leaving, being overweight with before photos - this helps prospects feel the person is sharing real parts of themselves, not just a persona
Script customer relationships by imagining walking up to their front door and having face-to-face conversations over multiple visits
Eben's thought experiment involves visualizing the first conversation, then the second visit when they're more sophisticated and educated, then the third and fourth, noting how questions and needs evolve over time
Start with a 30-day customer timeline before they buy, then expand to 90 days, 6 months, and eventually a full year
Eben recommends starting with 30 days before purchase, then expanding to 90 days (45 before, 45 after purchase), then 6 months, then a year, because it costs 5 times more to get new customers than sell to existing ones
Consider the entire customer experience by projecting yourself into their emotional state, including that most people are overweight, bored, apathetic, and have few friends
Eben emphasizes loading up this customer avatar mindset until you start experiencing their emotions, and notes how one bad experience can make customers say 'no one's paying attention, no one cares'
Build one-way systems that make customers feel like you're reading their minds by anticipating their exact questions and thoughts
The goal is for customers to open the third email and think 'Wow, this is exactly what I was thinking about, this is exactly the question I asked, he really understands me'
Use the 'give, give, give, get' formula to build customer relationships where the prospect always receives more value than they provide
▶ 5:21Connect with prospects on something substantial, particularly shared challenges or problems, as this creates emotional relaxation and trust
▶ 2:37Share vulnerable parts of your story including failures or embarrassing moments to build deeper trust and authentic connection
▶ 3:51Script customer relationships by imagining walking up to their front door and having face-to-face conversations over multiple visits
▶ 8:57Start with a 30-day customer timeline before they buy, then expand to 90 days, 6 months, and eventually a full year
▶ 11:10Consider the entire customer experience by projecting yourself into their emotional state, including that most people are overweight, bored, apathetic, and have few friends
▶ 7:05Build one-way systems that make customers feel like you're reading their minds by anticipating their exact questions and thoughts
▶ 10:35Claim: “Business relationships should be formal and professional”
Reframe: Script business relationships like friendships using the psychology of how real friendships develop
Claim: “Focus on getting customers to buy as quickly as possible”
Reframe: Use the 'give, give, give, get' formula where customers always receive more value than they provide
“The formula is give, give, give, get. Give, give, give, get. Give, give, give, get.”
“We're going to actually script out our business friendships.”
“By sharing that, by sharing a vulnerable part of who you are, it will help others feel more comfortable with you.”
“It only takes one bad experience for you to really get a bad feeling and say, wow. No one's paying attention to this. No one cares.”
Powerful Communication Strategies
Learn how to increase the perceived value of your information products by 10x to 100x through refined communication strategies that make customers feel like your content was created specifically for them.
Persuade Masses
The follow-up strategy that turned Eben's business from a single ebook into a multi-million dollar empire—and how it can 10x your results too.
Targeting A Profitable Niche
If your niche is wrong, then nothing can help you - discover Eben's 3-question test that reveals profitable niches every time.
Coaching Strategies
Business Frameworks
You can increase perceived value by 10x to 100x by refining your communication and learning skills to frame everything as having much more value.
Some books sell for $10 while others sell for $1,000 - the difference is in how value is communicated, not the information itself.
Adopt the mindset that you're teaching one person alone, not a group - talk to individuals who are experiencing your content by themselves from their perspective.
When someone says 'hi, all of you out there,' an individual listener thinks 'I'm not all of you out there, I'm an individual' and the connection breaks.
Most prospects don't buy on first contact, so systematic follow-up using email newsletters, podcasts, or video series is essential for building relationships over time with prospects at different stages of the buying process.
Eben explains that some house buyers are a year out from purchasing while others need to buy within a week, demonstrating the varying timelines prospects operate on.
Adding an email newsletter follow-up series can increase business results by 10x compared to having no follow-up system in place.
Eben states his business would be 'one tenth the size that it is right now' without his email newsletter series, and millions of people have been on his dating tips newsletter receiving dozens to hundreds of follow-ups.
