Eben Pagan reveals why almost none of what you say to customers actually gets through and teaches how to communicate products using concrete, real-world examples instead of abstract concepts. He demonstrates the power of 'showing the spoon' - making your value tangible and specific rather than theoretical.
Communicating Your Products In The Real World
Eben reveals the shocking truth that almost none of what we communicate actually reaches our audience. He explains how humans compress vast experiences into words, but listeners decode them through completely different reference points, creating fundamental misunderstanding.
Most people assume rational, logical communication is clearer, but Eben demonstrates the opposite. He shows how abstract, theoretical language confuses while concrete, emotional, specific communication creates understanding and connection.
Through a personal story about finding the perfect spoon, Eben illustrates the power of showing rather than telling. Abstract discussion led nowhere, but demonstrating the actual product created instant alignment and understanding.
When selling information, you can't physically show the product, yet you must still make it tangible. Eben teaches how to anchor every concept to real-world examples that customers can immediately recognize and relate to.
Eben explains how fear and desperation trigger primitive brain responses, making customers lose long-term thinking and become victim-minded. This creates opportunity for entrepreneurs who can present concrete external solutions to internal problems.
“Almost none of what you say to other human beings is getting across. Almost none.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:36
Almost none of what you communicate actually gets through because you're using abstract concepts while customers need concrete, specific examples. You must 'show them the spoon' - demonstrate your value through real-world, tangible examples rather than theoretical benefits.
“When we're selling information, we have a trick we have to play, which is we're using information so we can kinda never show them the spoon, and yet we still have to show them the spoon.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 9:46
Anchor everything to the real world with tangible, specific, external, and measurable examples. Instead of abstract concepts, use concrete behaviors and situations your customers can immediately recognize and relate to.
“Most people would not think of words like rational and logical as being confusing and misunderstood. We don't put those in the same category. But when you're trying to be rational and logical with other people and you're talking about theory and abstract and ideas, it actually is very confusing to the other human.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 3:41
Rational, logical, theoretical communication is actually confusing and misunderstood because it's abstract. Customers respond better to irrational, emotional, concrete communication that triggers specific recognition and feelings.
“But if I say, has your husband stopped looking in to your eyes when you fight? That's it. Now, I don't know if that's actually a signal or not or if that means something. I mean, it seems like it probably does, but that's showing the person the spoon.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 13:03
Ask specific behavioral questions instead of abstract emotional ones. For example, instead of 'does he feel distant?', ask 'has your husband stopped looking into your eyes when you fight?' - this creates immediate recognition and understanding.
“When that happens, they literally are at effect in the world. They feel like everything else is running things and they're not really in control.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 17:10
When customers are triggered by fear or desperation, they lose long-term thinking ability and become more victim-minded, looking outside themselves for fixes. They literally think 'there's gotta be some pill I can take' or 'someone has to make some decision out there.'
“There's something about doing things in the real world that allow two human beings to say, yes. We are on the same page.”
— Eben Pagan▶ 8:58
Instead of debating abstract qualities or benefits, demonstrate something concrete and real that customers can immediately experience and understand. This eliminates confusion and creates instant agreement about your value.
Transform abstract product benefits into concrete, real-world examples that customers immediately understand
Identify abstract concepts
List all the theoretical, internal, or general benefits you currently describe about your product
Find real-world anchors
For each abstract concept, identify specific, external, measurable behaviors or situations that demonstrate that benefit
Create specific scenarios
Develop concrete examples and stories that show your product's value in tangible, relatable terms
Test for clarity
Ask whether your communication is rational/abstract or emotional/concrete - aim for the latter
Show don't tell
Whenever possible, demonstrate value through specific examples rather than explaining theoretical benefits
Almost none of what you communicate to other people actually gets through because humans condense vast experiences into words that others must decode with completely different reference points
Eben explains the communication process: 'we take a whole bunch of associations, ideas, experiences, meaning, and we assign sounds to them and symbols called words, and then we send them back and forth to each other by vibrating our voice box' - but the other person 'has to take those words and then make a movie in their head out of them, and they've got a whole bunch of different experiences'
Rational, logical, theoretical and abstract communication is inherently confusing and misunderstood, while irrational, emotional, concrete and specific communication is clear and understood
Eben presents two sets of communication qualities: 'rational, logical, theory, abstract, internal, general, confusing, and misunderstood' versus 'irrational, emotional, result, concrete, external, specific, clear, and understood' - noting that most teachers use the confusing approach
The 'show them the spoon' technique demonstrates products in concrete, real-world terms rather than abstract concepts to create instant understanding and agreement
Eben shares his spoon story where he and a friend debated spoon qualities abstractly until he physically brought the ideal spoon: 'she takes the spoon and she puts it into the shake and she takes a bite and she goes, exactly' - demonstrating how showing something real eliminates debate and creates alignment
When selling information products, you must anchor everything to the real world and make it tangible, specific, external and measurable
Eben explains the challenge: 'When we're selling information, we have a trick we have to play, which is we're using information so we can kinda never show them the spoon, and yet we still have to show them the spoon' - solved by keeping 'everything anchored to the real world, everything coming back to something tangible, specific, external, measurable'
Instead of asking abstract questions like 'does he feel distant?', ask specific behavioral questions like 'has your husband stopped looking into your eyes when you fight?'
Eben contrasts abstract relationship coaching questions ('does he feel distant? Does it feel like your relationship is disconnected?') with concrete ones ('has your husband stopped looking in to your eyes when you fight?') - noting the abstract versions are 'all accurate, all true, but they're all abstract' while the specific version shows 'the spoon'
Great movie directors communicate emotion through specific actions rather than abstract declarations of feelings
Eben explains how great directors avoid having characters say 'I feel a great attraction for you' and instead show specific behaviors: 'The man comes in and he's confident and powerful and beautiful... he looks and he sees a woman and she looks up and all of a sudden he loses his composure for a second. And she smiles and kind of looks away' - demonstrating how specific actions communicate complex emotions
Desperate customers look outside themselves for solutions and become more susceptible to external fixes rather than taking personal responsibility
Eben explains that when customers are triggered by fear or desperation, 'they get pulled into their old lizard brain' and 'lose a lot of their consequential thinking' - becoming 'much more of a victim in their mind' and thinking 'There's gotta be some pill I can take. There's gotta be something I can do. Someone has to make some decision out there'
Teachers and conceptual thinkers default to abstract communication when they should go more specific and concrete, especially when selling information products
Eben observes that 'when we start thinking about something, when we start thinking about how to do something better, when we start thinking about a topic, we go more abstract and more internal and more conceptual. We don't go more specific' - and notes that teachers 'think, well, the more abstract, that's where all the value is... but not when you're trying to sell information products'
Almost none of what you communicate to other people actually gets through because humans condense vast experiences into words that others must decode with completely different reference points
▶ 1:30Rational, logical, theoretical and abstract communication is inherently confusing and misunderstood, while irrational, emotional, concrete and specific communication is clear and understood
▶ 3:41The 'show them the spoon' technique demonstrates products in concrete, real-world terms rather than abstract concepts to create instant understanding and agreement
▶ 8:58When selling information products, you must anchor everything to the real world and make it tangible, specific, external and measurable
▶ 9:46Instead of asking abstract questions like 'does he feel distant?', ask specific behavioral questions like 'has your husband stopped looking into your eyes when you fight?'
▶ 12:28Great movie directors communicate emotion through specific actions rather than abstract declarations of feelings
▶ 13:49Desperate customers look outside themselves for solutions and become more susceptible to external fixes rather than taking personal responsibility
▶ 16:58Teachers and conceptual thinkers default to abstract communication when they should go more specific and concrete, especially when selling information products
▶ 18:39Claim: “Rational, logical, and theoretical communication is more professional and effective”
Reframe: Irrational, emotional, concrete, and specific communication actually creates clarity and understanding
Claim: “The more abstract and conceptual your teaching, the more valuable it is”
Reframe: Abstract communication confuses customers - you must anchor everything to concrete, real-world examples
“Almost none of what you say to other human beings is getting across. Almost none.”
“When we're selling information, we have a trick we have to play, which is we're using information so we can kinda never show them the spoon, and yet we still have to show them the spoon.”
“There's something about doing things in the real world that allow two human beings to say, yes. We are on the same page.”
“Most people would not think of words like rational and logical as being confusing and misunderstood. We don't put those in the same category.”
Organizing Your Ideas Into High Value Content
Learn Eben Pagan's systematic approach to organizing your expertise into products that literally sell themselves by focusing on what customers actually want.
Communicating So Others Listen
A simple headline change took Eben from zero response to phones ringing off the hook — here's the communication formula that built his multi-million dollar business.
Using Motivators To Persuade People
Discover why 'away from' motivation is twice as powerful as 'toward' motivation and learn the six sermons that speak to everyone's deepest drives.
Coaching Strategies
Business Frameworks
Common Mistakes
Create complete concepts by introducing the idea, explaining it, describing how it works, then giving actionable steps - not just theoretical ideas people can't implement
Eben demonstrates this with a weight loss example, showing how 'eat smaller meals more often' becomes a six-point complete concept including context, explanation, benefits, and action steps
People will only do something they've first seen themselves doing in their mind - if they can't visualize implementation, they won't take action
Eben explains this as 'a massive insight' and demonstrates how telling customers what they're learning sets their mind 'on that channel' before showing them how it works
Your communication skill level determines your ability to get attention, teach, influence, sell, and market - it's a fundamental skill supporting all key success areas in life.
Eben explains that without communication skills, people experience less control and influence, miss goals in health and money, can't build deep relationships, and can't motivate others to take action.
Branding advertisements that focus on getting your name out there typically fail, while direct response marketing that offers specific value gets immediate results.
Eben's real estate ad with empty chair saying 'Evan Pagan is far too busy helping people buy and sell real estate to pose for pictures' got zero calls, while 'Free report reveals expensive mistakes to avoid when buying or selling a home' made phones ring off the hook for the same spend.
