View Your Customer As A "Business Friend" with Eben Pagan
Eben Pagan teaches how to transform customer relationships by viewing customers as 'business friends' instead of transactions. This mindset shift changes how you communicate, provide value, and build trust that naturally leads to sales.
Teachings 5
Getting someone to give you money is one of the hardest skills to acquire - even borrowing $100 from someone requires significant relationship building and trust
John Carlton, described as a wonderful friend and amazing copywriter, states this is 'the hardest thing to do in the world and the hardest skill to acquire' - getting the human animal to take out their wallet and credit card
Building enough trust to borrow $100 from someone you've spent 5 full days with and had 7 meals together still feels uncomfortable - this illustrates the trust required for financial transactions
Specific scenario of meeting someone at a 5-day program, having 7 meals together, really bonding, then losing your wallet and needing cab money - most people would still squirm rather than directly ask for $100
As a business friend, focus on building relationships first and propose mature friendships with reciprocity rather than just taking money
The approach involves clearly stating 'I want to build a relationship with you, I don't just want to take your money, I want to help you, I understand your situation clearly'
Provide massive value upfront - way more than customers would expect - then let them judge whether it makes sense to pay after receiving the value
The business friend approach involves saying 'I'm going to provide you with way more value than you would expect and after you get all that value then you be the judge you decide whether or not it makes sense to pay for it'
The business friend approach feels more natural because it's how you would want to be treated as a customer yourself
Eben asks 'Isn't that the way a friend would treat you and interact with you' and 'how much more would you like to be treated that way yourself as a customer'
Perspectives 1
Replace the term 'customer' with 'business friend' to fundamentally change your relationship approach and eliminate the power dynamic that creates disconnection
Traditional customer mindset creates a 'big powerful business vs little customer' dynamic with voicemail trees and policy-driven interactions that customers hate experiencing themselves
Quotable Moments 3
“the hardest thing to do in the world and the hardest skill to acquire is to get the human animal to take out its wallet take out the credit card and give it to you”
— John Carlton“I'm going to provide you with way more value than you would expect and after you get all that value then you be the judge you decide whether or not it makes sense to pay for it”
— Eben Pagan“think of them as business friends”
— Eben Pagan
How to implement the business friend approach with customers
A step-by-step method for transforming customer relationships using Eben Pagan's business friend framework
- 1
Reframe your mindset
Replace the term 'customer' with 'business friend' in your thinking and communication to eliminate the power dynamic
- 2
Focus on relationship building
Communicate that you want to build a relationship and help them, not just take their money
- 3
Provide massive value upfront
Give way more value than customers would expect before asking for any payment
- 4
Let them judge the value
Allow customers to experience the value first, then decide if it makes sense to pay for it
- 5
Create reciprocal friendship
Propose a mature friendship with reciprocity where both parties benefit
Questions Answered
How should I think about my customers to improve retention
“I'd like to suggest the term business friend you might want to write that down think of them as business friends”
— Eben Pagan▶ 0:31
Think of your customers as 'business friends' instead of traditional customers. This changes your mindset from a power dynamic to a relationship-building approach where you focus on being their trusted advisor.
Why is it so hard to get customers to pay you
“John Carlton wonderful friend of mine amazing copywriter he says the hardest thing to do in the world and the hardest skill to acquire is to get the human animal to take out its wallet take out the credit card and give it to you”
— Eben Pagan▶ 2:43
Getting someone to give you money is one of the hardest skills in the world. Even building enough trust to borrow $100 from someone requires significant relationship building, and asking for money for unknown value is even more difficult.
How do you build trust with customers before asking for payment
“I'm going to provide you with way more value than you would expect and after you get all that value then you be the judge you decide whether or not it makes sense to pay for it”
— Eben Pagan▶ 4:07
Build relationships first by providing massive value upfront - way more than customers expect. Let them experience the value first, then allow them to judge whether it makes sense to pay for it.
What's wrong with traditional customer service approaches
“if you think of someone as a customer typically I think your mindset that you go into is I am the big powerful business and they are the little customer I will create this massive voicemail tree”
— Eben Pagan▶ 0:45
Traditional approaches create a power dynamic where the business treats customers with impersonal systems like voicemail trees and policy-driven interactions, which customers don't want to experience.
How do you implement the business friend approach with customers
“as a business friend what you do is you take the approach of I'll tell you what I want to do I want to build a relationship with you I don't just want to take your money I want to help you”
— Eben Pagan▶ 3:37
Focus on building relationships, understanding their situation clearly, and proposing mature friendships with reciprocity. Communicate that you want to help them, not just take their money.
Summary
The Business Friend Mindset Shift
Eben introduces the concept of viewing customers as 'business friends' rather than traditional customers. This fundamental reframe eliminates the power dynamic that creates disconnection and impersonal interactions like voicemail trees and policy-driven customer service.
The Psychology of Payment and Trust
Drawing on insights from copywriter John Carlton, Eben explains why getting people to pay is one of the hardest skills to acquire. He illustrates this with the example of how difficult it would be to borrow just $100 from someone even after spending significant time together building rapport.
Implementing the Business Friend Approach
Eben outlines the practical application of treating customers as business friends: building genuine relationships, providing massive value upfront, and creating mature friendships with reciprocity. This approach allows customers to judge the value after experiencing it rather than paying for unknown results.
Counterpoint
Claim: “Think of people as customers in a business-to-customer power dynamic with formal policies and procedures”
Reframe: Think of people as business friends where you build relationships, provide massive value first, and create reciprocal mature friendships
Traditional customer approach creates voicemail trees and policy-driven interactions that disconnect you from customers, while business friend approach focuses on being their trusted advisor
Claim: “Try to get customers to pay you immediately for unknown value or results”
Reframe: Provide way more value than expected upfront, then let customers judge whether it makes sense to pay after experiencing the value
Getting someone to give you money for unknown results is extremely difficult - even borrowing $100 from someone after spending 5 days together feels uncomfortable
Key Points 6
Replace the term 'customer' with 'business friend' to fundamentally change your relationship approach and eliminate the power dynamic that creates disconnection
▶ 0:31Getting someone to give you money is one of the hardest skills to acquire - even borrowing $100 from someone requires significant relationship building and trust
▶ 2:43Building enough trust to borrow $100 from someone you've spent 5 full days with and had 7 meals together still feels uncomfortable - this illustrates the trust required for financial transactions
▶ 2:35As a business friend, focus on building relationships first and propose mature friendships with reciprocity rather than just taking money
▶ 3:37Provide massive value upfront - way more than customers would expect - then let them judge whether it makes sense to pay after receiving the value
▶ 4:07The business friend approach feels more natural because it's how you would want to be treated as a customer yourself
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Topics
Coaching Strategies
Business Frameworks
Common Mistakes