The Game NOT To Play If You Want To Win At Life
Eben Pagan reveals the critical difference between playing 'not to lose' versus playing 'to win' in business and life. He explains how scarcity mindset keeps most people stuck avoiding risks, while elite achievers focus on winning their own game rather than beating others.
Teachings 2
Most people play 'not to lose' rather than playing to win, which keeps them stuck in scarcity and risk-averse behavior
Eben references Kahneman's prospect theory showing people are twice as motivated to avoid losing as they are to gain, causing them to focus on 'doing everything right, not screwing up, not being noticed'
Winning means achieving your desired outcome in your chosen domain, not competing against others
Eben uses his personal example of 'winning the health game' where he has lots of energy, exercises regularly, and feels better about his body and health than he has in a long time—without competing against anyone
Perspectives 1
Elite clients don't play to beat others—they play to win their own game and get the results they want
Eben distinguishes that while some interpret winning as 'beating everyone else,' most elite clients define winning as 'getting the result they want' in their specific game
Quotable Moments 3
“everyone is very risk averse and very like in the tersan conoman prospect theory twice as motivated to avoid losing as they are to gain”
— Eben Pagan“to most people the kinds of clients we're talking about here win means get the result they want win the game they're playing”
— Eben Pagan“they're winners and they're playing to win not to avoid losing”
— Eben Pagan
Questions Answered
What's the difference between playing to win vs playing not to lose?
“when you're in that kind of world the game that's being played there is not lose that's the game that's being played don't lose okay everyone is very risk averse”
— Eben Pagan
Playing 'not to lose' means being risk-averse, trying to avoid mistakes, and just getting by without being noticed. Playing to win means focusing on achieving the specific results you want in your chosen game.
How do elite clients approach winning differently?
“to most people the kinds of clients we're talking about here win means get the result they want win the game they're playing”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:05
Elite clients don't play to beat everyone else. They play to win their own game and get the specific results they want in their chosen domain.
Why do most people stay stuck in not losing mode?
“everyone is very risk averse and very like in the tersan conoman prospect theory twice as motivated to avoid losing as they are to gain”
— Eben Pagan▶ 0:20
According to prospect theory, people are twice as motivated to avoid losing as they are to gain. This makes them risk-averse and focused on not making mistakes rather than achieving breakthrough results.
Summary
The Psychology of Playing Not to Lose
Eben explains how most people operate from a scarcity mindset where they're primarily focused on avoiding mistakes and risks. He references prospect theory to show that people are twice as motivated to avoid losing as they are to gain, which keeps them stuck in risk-averse behavior patterns.
How Elite Clients Redefine Winning
Elite clients don't play to beat others—they play to win their own specific game. Eben clarifies that true winning means achieving the results you want in your chosen domain, using his personal health transformation as an example of winning without competition.
Counterpoint
Claim: “Success means beating other people and being better than the competition”
Reframe: True winning means getting the results you want in your own game, not competing against others
Eben explains that elite clients focus on winning their specific game and achieving their desired outcomes, using his health example where he wins through high energy and feeling great, not by beating others
Claim: “Playing it safe and avoiding risks is the smart approach to protect what you have”
Reframe: Playing 'not to lose' keeps you stuck in scarcity while elite achievers play to win
Eben cites prospect theory showing people are twice as motivated to avoid losing, causing them to focus on not screwing up or being noticed rather than achieving breakthrough results
Key Points 3
Most people play 'not to lose' rather than playing to win, which keeps them stuck in scarcity and risk-averse behavior
Elite clients don't play to beat others—they play to win their own game and get the results they want
▶ 1:05Winning means achieving your desired outcome in your chosen domain, not competing against others
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Topics
Coaching Strategies
Business Frameworks
Common Mistakes