How To Manage A Conflict In Your Business
Eben Pagan teaches essential conflict management strategies for business leaders, including how to handle team priorities, address conflicts of interest proactively, and distinguish between problems versus conflicts. He shares specific examples from his team members who excel at managing these situations effectively.
Teachings 7
Throwaway brainstorm ideas sound like projects and mandates to team members, causing them to abandon current priorities and start implementing immediately
Team member Ralph taught Eben that when leaders share casual ideas, team members interpret them as orders and will tell others 'the boss told me to do it' when questioned about priority changes
Train team members to be individuals who guard organizational priorities by reflecting back current commitments before accepting new projects
Eben instructs star team members to say 'reflect back to me what's already going on, reflect back to me the things that I've forgotten that we already working on' when given new directives
The ideal team response to new requests involves listening without pushback, understanding fully, then analyzing how it fits with current priorities before implementation
Bo Ryan from Eben's technology team exemplifies this by saying 'tell me more about it,' taking notes, reading back understanding, then returning days later with analysis of how new requests impact the top three company priorities and timeline implications
Leaders must distinguish between brainstorms and projects when communicating, explicitly labeling the type of input they're sharing
Eben recommends saying 'here comes a brainstorm you ready' or 'here's a project I think this could do very well for us but do me a favor listen understand it and then go back and do a little analysis'
Business decisions evolve from clear yes/no choices to 49/51 splits as companies grow larger and more complex
Eben observes that all important decisions in his growing business shifted from being 'pretty clear yeah we should do this or no we shouldn't' to close calls where opportunity cost becomes the primary factor, as Warren Buffett identifies
When problems start escalating to conflicts, immediately stop and reframe by explicitly naming the dynamic and redirecting to collaborative problem-solving
Eben recommends saying 'hey wait a minute this is a problem that we're having but let's not let this turn into a conflict let's just talk it through' as soon as escalation begins
Organizational politics emerge when people hide conflicts rather than addressing them directly, creating behind-the-scenes negativity
Eben describes people who talk negatively about colleagues behind their backs then act friendly face-to-face, which Ralph on his team calls 'axe murderers' during interviews
Perspectives 2
Every business situation contains built-in conflicts of interest that should be acknowledged proactively rather than hidden
The fundamental conflict exists between customers wanting everything for the lowest price and companies wanting maximum profit for minimum service delivery, plus conflicts between team members competing for opportunities
There is a critical difference between problems and conflicts - problems can be solved collaboratively while conflicts create adversarial dynamics
Eben had an epiphany-level realization in his personal relationship that conflict-oriented people automatically turn every problem into a conflict because that's their default orientation
Quotable Moments 4
“your IDE throwaway ideas sound like projects to those people”
— Eben Pagan“conflict oriented people turn every problem into a conflict because that's their orientation”
— Eben Pagan“all of the important decisions have shifted from being pretty clear yeah we should do this or no we shouldn't do that and they've evolved to 49 51s”
— Eben Pagan“conflict is wired into everything it's everywhere it is part of life”
— Eben Pagan
How to Handle New Project Requests Without Disrupting Team Priorities
A system for managing leader ideas and team priorities effectively
- 1
Label Your Communication
Explicitly state whether you're sharing a brainstorm or assigning a project by saying 'here comes a brainstorm' or 'here's a project.'
- 2
Listen and Document
Have team members listen fully, take detailed notes, and read back their understanding without arguing or pushing back.
- 3
Analyze Impact
Team member goes away and analyzes how the request fits with current top three priorities and timeline implications.
- 4
Present Options
Return with analysis showing what would be delayed and by how long, letting the leader make an informed decision about trade-offs.
Questions Answered
How do you prevent team members from dropping priorities when you share new ideas
“reflect back to me what's already going on reflect back to me the things that I've forgotten that we already working on that we're already making progress on so that I can get my head back together”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:02
Train team members to reflect back current commitments and analyze how new requests fit with existing priorities before implementation. Use clear labels like 'here comes a brainstorm' versus 'here's a project.'
What is the difference between a problem and a conflict in business
“there is a difference between a problem and a conflict and conflict oriented people don't know that conflict oriented people turn every problem into a conflict because that's their orientation”
— Eben Pagan▶ 5:44
Problems can be solved collaboratively while conflicts create adversarial dynamics. Conflict-oriented people automatically turn every problem into a conflict, but you can prevent this by stopping escalation immediately and reframing the situation.
How should you handle conflicts of interest in business
“there is a conflict of interest so to speak in almost every single business situation the most fundamental conflict of interest is the conflict of interest that exists between the customer and the company”
— Eben Pagan▶ 3:07
Address conflicts of interest proactively and openly rather than hiding them. Every business situation contains built-in conflicts, from customer-company dynamics to team member competition for opportunities.
What makes business decisions harder as companies grow
“all of the important decisions have shifted from being pretty clear yeah we should do this or no we shouldn't do that and they've evolved to 49 51s”
— Eben Pagan▶ 4:10
As businesses grow, decisions shift from clear yes/no choices to close 49/51 splits where opportunity cost becomes the primary factor. Everything evolves closer to difficult judgment calls.
How do you stop a problem from becoming a conflict
“as soon as you see it going there stop everyone and use the word say hey wait a minute this is a problem that we're having but let's not let this turn into a conflict let's just talk it through”
— Eben Pagan▶ 6:15
As soon as you see escalation starting, stop everyone and explicitly name what's happening. Say 'this is a problem we're having but let's not let this turn into a conflict, let's just talk it through.'
Summary
Managing Team Priorities When Leaders Share New Ideas
Eben explains how casual brainstorms get interpreted as mandates, disrupting team focus. He teaches leaders to explicitly label their communications and train team members like Bo Ryan to reflect back current priorities before accepting new projects.
Addressing Business Conflicts of Interest Proactively
Every business situation contains built-in conflicts, from customer-company dynamics to team competition. As businesses grow, decisions become 49/51 judgment calls where opportunity cost matters most.
Distinguishing Problems from Conflicts in Leadership
Eben shares his epiphany about conflict-oriented people who turn every problem into adversarial dynamics. He provides specific language for stopping escalation and redirecting to collaborative problem-solving.
Counterpoint
Claim: “Team members should immediately implement leader ideas to show responsiveness and initiative”
Reframe: Effective team members should guard organizational priorities by reflecting back current commitments before accepting new directives
Bo Ryan demonstrates this by listening fully, understanding completely, then analyzing how new requests impact the top three company priorities and providing timeline implications before proceeding
Claim: “Conflicts of interest should be minimized or hidden to maintain harmony”
Reframe: Conflicts of interest are built into every business situation and should be acknowledged and discussed openly
The fundamental conflict between customers wanting everything for lowest price and companies wanting maximum profit exists in every transaction, plus team members naturally compete for opportunities
Claim: “All workplace issues should be treated the same way”
Reframe: Problems and conflicts require completely different approaches - problems can be solved collaboratively while conflicts create adversarial dynamics
Eben's epiphany-level realization that conflict-oriented people automatically turn every problem into a conflict, which can be prevented by immediately stopping escalation and reframing
Key Points 9
Throwaway brainstorm ideas sound like projects and mandates to team members, causing them to abandon current priorities and start implementing immediately
▶ 0:31Train team members to be individuals who guard organizational priorities by reflecting back current commitments before accepting new projects
▶ 1:02The ideal team response to new requests involves listening without pushback, understanding fully, then analyzing how it fits with current priorities before implementation
▶ 1:33Leaders must distinguish between brainstorms and projects when communicating, explicitly labeling the type of input they're sharing
▶ 2:36Every business situation contains built-in conflicts of interest that should be acknowledged proactively rather than hidden
▶ 3:07Business decisions evolve from clear yes/no choices to 49/51 splits as companies grow larger and more complex
▶ 4:10There is a critical difference between problems and conflicts - problems can be solved collaboratively while conflicts create adversarial dynamics
▶ 5:44When problems start escalating to conflicts, immediately stop and reframe by explicitly naming the dynamic and redirecting to collaborative problem-solving
▶ 6:15Organizational politics emerge when people hide conflicts rather than addressing them directly, creating behind-the-scenes negativity
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Topics
Coaching Strategies
Business Frameworks
Common Mistakes