How To Generate Your Own Inner POWER
Eben Pagan shares personal strategies for self-acknowledgment and meeting your own emotional needs when you achieve success. He teaches specific techniques like mirror work and self-praise to compensate for gaps in childhood encouragement.
Teachings 4
Use mirror work for self-acknowledgment by going to the bathroom, looking in the mirror, smiling at yourself, and specifically saying 'you did it, good work, nice work' after completing tasks or working hard
Eben Pagan developed this technique because his father didn't know how to give encouragement or look him in the eyes, and his mother gave only generic unconditional praise without specifics
Give yourself specific permission to rest and relax after acknowledging your accomplishments, rather than just continuing to work without pause
Eben specifically tells himself 'you deserve to take some time off or to relax' after working really hard, then gives himself permission and enjoys that moment for a minute or two
Write yourself specific encouragement notes and place them on your mirror if verbal self-acknowledgment feels uncomfortable, using phrases like 'great work honey, I love you, I'm really proud of you'
Eben suggests leaving notes on your mirror that say 'great work honey you know I love you I'm really proud of you for doing that' as an alternative to verbal mirror work
Ask family members or friends for hugs when you need emotional support, being direct about your needs rather than hoping they'll notice
Eben goes to his wife and daughter and says 'family I need a hug will you guys just give me a hug when I need one' and then they hug him
Quotable Moments 2
“I will go into the bathroom in front of the big mirror and I'll smile at myself and I'll give myself the kind of smile that I need and I will say to myself you did it you know good work nice work”
— Eben Pagan“when you do a good job get your needs met”
— Eben Pagan
How to Practice Self-Acknowledgment Through Mirror Work
A specific technique for meeting your own emotional needs and giving yourself encouragement after accomplishments
- 1
Go to the mirror
Go into the bathroom in front of a big mirror when you've completed something or worked hard
- 2
Smile at yourself
Give yourself the kind of smile that you need, making eye contact with yourself
- 3
Give specific praise
Say to yourself 'you did it, good work, nice work' using specific acknowledgment
- 4
Give permission to rest
Tell yourself 'you deserve to take some time off or to relax' and give yourself permission
- 5
Enjoy the moment
Take a minute or two to enjoy that moment of acknowledgment before returning to your activities
Questions Answered
How do you give yourself encouragement when no one else does
“I will go into the bathroom in front of the big mirror and I'll smile at myself and I'll give myself the kind of smile that I need and I will say to myself you did it you know good work nice work”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:00
Go to a bathroom mirror, smile at yourself, and specifically say 'you did it, good work, nice work' after completing tasks. Then give yourself permission to rest or relax.
What to do when you feel uncomfortable talking to yourself in the mirror
“write yourself a little card and then just leave it on your mirror that says great work honey you know I love you I'm really proud of you for doing that”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:33
Write yourself encouragement notes and place them on your mirror with specific phrases like 'great work honey, I love you, I'm really proud of you for doing that.'
How to ask for emotional support when you need it
“sometimes I need a hug and I'll go down to my you know my wife and all daughter and I'll say family I need a hug will you guys just give me a hug when I need one”
— Eben Pagan▶ 1:33
Be direct about your needs by asking family or friends specifically for what you need, like saying 'I need a hug, will you give me one?'
Summary
The Gap in Childhood Encouragement
Eben shares how his parents couldn't provide the specific encouragement he needed - his father couldn't make eye contact or say 'good job,' while his mother gave only generic unconditional praise. This personal experience led him to develop techniques for meeting his own emotional needs as an adult.
The Mirror Work Technique
The core practice involves going to a bathroom mirror after accomplishing something, smiling at yourself, and giving specific verbal acknowledgment like 'you did it, good work, nice work.' This is followed by giving yourself permission to rest or relax, then enjoying that moment before returning to daily activities.
Alternative Methods for Self-Acknowledgment
For those uncomfortable with verbal mirror work, Eben suggests writing encouragement notes to place on your mirror or directly asking family and friends for emotional support like hugs when needed. The key is being specific about your emotional needs rather than hoping others will notice.
Counterpoint
Claim: “You should wait for others to acknowledge your accomplishments and give you encouragement”
Reframe: You can and should meet your own emotional needs for acknowledgment through specific self-praise and mirror work techniques
Eben developed mirror work because his parents couldn't provide the specific encouragement he needed - his father couldn't look him in the eyes or say 'good job' and his mother gave only generic praise
Key Points 4
Use mirror work for self-acknowledgment by going to the bathroom, looking in the mirror, smiling at yourself, and specifically saying 'you did it, good work, nice work' after completing tasks or working hard
▶ 1:00Give yourself specific permission to rest and relax after acknowledging your accomplishments, rather than just continuing to work without pause
▶ 1:01Write yourself specific encouragement notes and place them on your mirror if verbal self-acknowledgment feels uncomfortable, using phrases like 'great work honey, I love you, I'm really proud of you'
▶ 1:33Ask family members or friends for hugs when you need emotional support, being direct about your needs rather than hoping they'll notice
▶ 1:33Topics
Coaching Strategies
Business Frameworks