Episode 200--The Mountain Top--Interviews With Dating Gurus
This 2007 interview with David D'Angelo features Scott McKay sharing his transformation from divorce to dating success, emphasizing the importance of deserving what you want through self-improvement. McKay discusses strategies for attracting quality women, including building confidence, developing masculinity, and creating meaningful connections rather than just seeking quantity in dating.
Teachings 11
The core principle of dating success is learning to 'deserve what you want' - taking active steps to become the kind of man who attracts the quality of woman he desires
Scott McKay transformed his dating life after divorce by spending four years actively learning and improving himself, eventually attracting and marrying Emily, creating what others call a 'super couple'
True masculinity attracts quality women - it involves leadership, protection, and confidence without being a 'jerk' or kiss-up
McKay demonstrates masculine leadership by pulling out chairs while saying 'here's your seat' (leading vs serving), taking charge of dinner plans, and opening doors for all women, not just attractive ones
Women want to feel protected primarily from the man they're with, not from outside threats - creating safety and comfort in your presence is crucial
McKay explains this addresses shorter men's concerns about protection, showing that physical protection matters less than emotional safety and comfort in the relationship dynamic
Dating multiple women simultaneously helps you discover what you actually want versus what you think you want - preferences often change through real experience
McKay built a spreadsheet to track 16 women, narrowed to 5 best options, and discovered his actual preferences differed from his assumptions about ideal women through dating variety
Cooking for dates is a 'nuclear weapon' that gets women comfortable coming to your house and creates powerful bonding experiences
McKay had women email him saying 'you're on' for Iron Chef battles and volunteer to come to his house for first dates when he mentioned cooking skills in his online dating profile
The 'most important 30 minutes in dating' involves doing dishes together after cooking - this creates sexual tension by standing close while not making moves
McKay describes the specific process: washing dishes side by side increases comfort (she expects moves but you don't make them), then playful splashing or wooden spoon contact signals when to kiss
Confidence comes from having genuine options - when you can attract multiple women, you naturally become more attractive because women sense your non-neediness
McKay achieved a position where he could elegantly remove women from his dating list or add new ones, eventually telling women 'let's just be friends' - reversing typical dating dynamics
Height disadvantage can become an advantage with shorter women through the 'puzzle piece factor' - perfect physical fit creates powerful sexual chemistry
McKay at 5'6" with fiancée Emily at 5'1" demonstrates how hugging until she lets go first, then saying 'wow it's like we fit' creates sexual chemistry that tall men cannot provide
Target women 3-5 inches shorter than you regardless of your height - this creates natural physical proportion and comfort
McKay explains that a 5'1" man with a 4'10" woman or a 5'6" man with a 5'2" woman are statistically the same height proportionally, and many shorter women are also self-conscious about their height
Quality women are those who have developed themselves beyond just physical beauty - they have self-esteem, responsibility, intelligence, and moral character
McKay identifies key markers: quality women don't constantly say 'I'm sorry' (when he told one woman to stop apologizing, she said 'I'm sorry' again), they have confidence and class
Perfect imperfection means embracing what makes someone uniquely attractive to you, not what media says should be attractive
McKay loves Emily's slightly crooked bottom tooth that makes her uniquely herself - this 'imperfection' is perfect for him and contributes to others saying they look 'made for each other'
Perspectives 1
Most men fail with women because they wait passively for success instead of actively learning - we get degrees for careers and take driving lessons, but expect dating success without any education
McKay observed that under 1% of men ever take time to actually learn about women and how to be better with them, contrasting this with the effort put into education and career development
Quotable Moments 5
“I want to make sure I do my part in becoming the kind of guy who is going to deserve that woman instead of me being a lucky guy I want her to be a lucky woman”
— Scott McKay“women are enthralled by guys who can know how to cook it's amazing like I said it's a nuclear weapon”
— Scott McKay“if you can go up to a woman and get to the point where you can hug her... and when the hug is over say wow it's like we fit that is such a sexually charged thing”
— Scott McKay“once you get to women you tend to get 50 women by on the approval of others is just like a sales principle”
— Scott McKay“if she takes a wooden spoon and whacks you on the tail with it right then and there you turn around by both shoulders throw her against the refrigerator and kiss her brains out”
— Scott McKay
How to Use the Cooking and Dish Washing Dating Strategy
A systematic approach to creating attraction and sexual tension through cooking for dates and the follow-up dish washing technique
- 1
Set up the opportunity
Mention cooking skills in your online dating profile to get women volunteering to come to your house for dates
- 2
Plan the menu
Choose masculine dishes you can cook confidently, shop for fresh and slightly exotic ingredients, ask about allergies beforehand
- 3
Cook together
Give her a drink, chat while cooking, present yourself as Bobby Flay not Julia Child - be masculine about the process
- 4
Eat together
Share the meal as a bonding experience, don't rush, let plates accumulate in sink during meal
- 5
Transition to dishes
After eating, announce 'let's go do the dishes' and assign roles - one rinses, one loads or dries
- 6
Create sexual tension
Stand side-by-side washing dishes, don't make moves even though she expects them, let flirting start naturally
- 7
Watch for signals
When she playfully hits you with wooden spoon or splashes water, that's your signal to kiss her
- 8
Alternative if no signals
Say 'if you don't stop acting like a brat I'm gonna have to splash you' then splash her and wait for response
Questions Answered
How can shorter men succeed in dating taller or average height women
“if you can go up to a woman and get to the point where you can hug her... give her a hug where you hold her let her hold you let her let go first... and when the hug is over say wow it's like we fit that is such a sexually charged thing”
— Scott McKay▶ 52:24
Target women 3-5 inches shorter than you to create natural proportion. Focus on the 'puzzle piece factor' - when you hug, you fit perfectly together, creating sexual chemistry taller men can't provide.
What does it mean to deserve what you want in dating
“I want to make sure I do my part in becoming the kind of guy who is going to deserve that woman instead of me being a lucky guy I want her to be a lucky woman”
— Scott McKay▶ 9:11
Put in the work to become the kind of man who naturally attracts the quality of woman you desire. This means actively learning, improving yourself, and developing skills rather than waiting passively.
How to cook for a date to attract women
“women are enthralled by guys who can know how to cook it's amazing like I said it's a nuclear weapon”
— Scott McKay▶ 64:27
Mention cooking skills in your dating profile to get women volunteering to come to your house. Cook masculine dishes using fresh ingredients, then do dishes together afterward to create sexual tension.
How to identify a quality woman versus just an attractive woman
“the earmark of a woman I think who's lacking self-esteem she says I'm sorry all the time one time a woman was saying I'm sorry so much on a date and I said to her will you please stop saying I'm sorry guess what her response was I'm sorry”
— Scott McKay▶ 56:57
Look beyond physical beauty for self-esteem, responsibility, intelligence, and moral character. Quality women don't constantly apologize and have genuine confidence in themselves.
What is the dish washing technique for dating success
“if she takes a wooden spoon and whacks you on the tail with it right then and there you turn around by both shoulders throw her against the refrigerator and kiss her brains out”
— Scott McKay▶ 69:46
After cooking and eating together, do dishes side-by-side. This creates sexual tension because she expects you to make moves but you don't, increasing her comfort and attraction until playful interaction signals it's time to kiss.
How to develop masculine confidence without being a jerk
“when I pull a chair out for a woman I pat the back of it and say here's your seat so I've led the woman to sit there instead of saying oh you're so beautiful let me serve you”
— Scott McKay▶ 26:18
Lead without serving, make decisions confidently, be chivalrous to all women not just attractive ones, and take care of others from a position of strength rather than neediness.
Success Story: Scott McKay
Before
Divorced, friends telling him it wasn't his fault, victim mindset, waiting for women to accept him
Key Shift
Decided to become the best man possible for the next woman he'd spend considerable time with
After
Confident man who attracted his ideal wife Emily, now considered a 'super couple' by strangers
Outcome: Married Emily after narrowing from 5 quality women to 3 finalists, eliminated all other women within 6 days of meeting her
Breakthrough: Realizing he needed to deserve what he wanted rather than wait for someone to accept him as he was
Expert: Scott McKay
Founder of X&Y Communications, dating coach specializing in helping men transition from quantity to quality in dating
Summary
The Foundation of Deserving What You Want
Scott McKay shares his transformation from divorce to dating success, introducing his core philosophy that men must actively work to deserve the quality of woman they desire. Rather than accepting a victim mindset, he spent four years learning from experts and practicing with multiple women to become the kind of man who attracts his ideal partner.
Building Authentic Masculine Confidence
The discussion explores how to develop genuine masculinity that attracts quality women without becoming a jerk. McKay demonstrates the difference between leadership and servitude through specific examples like pulling out chairs while maintaining authority and taking charge of date planning with confidence.
Strategic Dating for Height-Challenged Men
McKay addresses the specific challenges shorter men face in dating and reveals his 'puzzle piece factor' strategy. By targeting women 3-5 inches shorter, men can leverage perfect physical chemistry and shared understanding to create advantages that taller men cannot provide.
The Cooking and Dish Washing Power Strategy
One of the most unique segments covers McKay's 'nuclear weapon' approach using cooking to attract dates and the famous dish washing technique. This systematic method gets women comfortable visiting your home while creating sexual tension through proximity and delayed gratification during the cleanup process.
Counterpoint
Claim: “Nice guys should wait for women to accept them as they are”
Reframe: Men should actively learn to deserve the quality of woman they want rather than hoping for acceptance
McKay spent four years deliberately improving himself after divorce, learning from dating experts and practicing with multiple women, eventually attracting his ideal partner Emily
Claim: “Shorter men are at a permanent disadvantage in dating”
Reframe: Shorter men have unique advantages with proportionally shorter women through better physical chemistry and shared understanding
McKay at 5'6" leveraged the 'puzzle piece factor' with women 3-5 inches shorter, creating sexual chemistry through perfect physical fit that taller men cannot provide
Claim: “More dates with different women equals dating success”
Reframe: Dating success means having control and choice - being able to add or remove women from your life at will
McKay moved from trying to get any dates to maintaining a curated list of 5 quality women, with the power to tell women 'let's just be friends' - reversing typical dating dynamics
Key Points 12
The core principle of dating success is learning to 'deserve what you want' - taking active steps to become the kind of man who attracts the quality of woman he desires
▶ 8:30Most men fail with women because they wait passively for success instead of actively learning - we get degrees for careers and take driving lessons, but expect dating success without any education
▶ 7:14True masculinity attracts quality women - it involves leadership, protection, and confidence without being a 'jerk' or kiss-up
▶ 23:49Women want to feel protected primarily from the man they're with, not from outside threats - creating safety and comfort in your presence is crucial
▶ 32:03Dating multiple women simultaneously helps you discover what you actually want versus what you think you want - preferences often change through real experience
▶ 17:35Cooking for dates is a 'nuclear weapon' that gets women comfortable coming to your house and creates powerful bonding experiences
▶ 63:56The 'most important 30 minutes in dating' involves doing dishes together after cooking - this creates sexual tension by standing close while not making moves
▶ 68:32Confidence comes from having genuine options - when you can attract multiple women, you naturally become more attractive because women sense your non-neediness
▶ 15:33Height disadvantage can become an advantage with shorter women through the 'puzzle piece factor' - perfect physical fit creates powerful sexual chemistry
▶ 52:24Target women 3-5 inches shorter than you regardless of your height - this creates natural physical proportion and comfort
▶ 48:51Quality women are those who have developed themselves beyond just physical beauty - they have self-esteem, responsibility, intelligence, and moral character
▶ 56:02Perfect imperfection means embracing what makes someone uniquely attractive to you, not what media says should be attractive
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